Psychological Services

Do you spend a lot of time worrying and find it difficult to stop? Do you worry about almost everything all the time? Do you worry excessively about what people may think of you? Do you get really nervous and are lost for words when you are in social situations? Do you have specific fears like: public speaking, driving on a freeway, getting in an elevator, flying in an aeroplane, dark places, heights or animals? Do you avoid people or places because the fear becomes so overwhelming it paralyzes you?

Do you experience physical symptoms like strong, rapid heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dry mouth, trouble swallowing, nausea, diarrhoea or shaking and worry that there is something wrong with your health? Does it feel like you are going to have a heart attack or go ‘crazy’? Do you frequently obsess about the past or the future?

The good news is that these are all common signs of anxiety that your psychologist can help you learn strategies to deal with. Some anxiety is ‘normal’ and even necessary under certain circumstances but when it interferes with your ability to work, social interactions and your daily life it stops you from living a full life. Many people find it difficult to understand emotions. They feel like a failure when they experience emotions that they can ‘t stop and think that it means that they are weak or not coping. Why do we need them at all? You are not alone in trying to work this out.

We are born with a complete set of emotions but we are never formally taught what they are there for or how to manage them. No wonder so many people feel overwhelmed and inadequate when emotions feel out of control. It seems embarrassing to ask about managing out of control feelings and it seems like everyone else just knows what to do with them. There are very few open conversations about how others are managing feelings behind close doors.

What makes it even more confusing is when the symptoms you are experiencing are physical but the doesn’t seem to be any medical explanation. It often leads people to seek assistance from their GP convinced they are suffering from a physical illness. When there is no know biological reason for physical symptoms it may be helpful to explore whether these physical symptoms are connected to anxiety. Your psychologist is equipped to help you reduce anxiety symptoms so that they don’t interfere with your daily functioning.

Are you sad much of the time? Do you feel so flat that no matter what you do you can’t seem to get pleasure? Does your energy feel low? Does everything seem like such an effort? Have you stopped enjoying the company of others and just prefer to be on your own? Do you find yourself becoming short, restless or irritable? Do you sometimes feel like you are in such a dark place that life is not worth living or that everyone would be better off without you? Has your drinking increased?

Depression can be a debilitating. It can affect your motivation, your energy, your ability to concentrate, your appetite and your sleep. It can affect all areas of your life. It can often feel like there is no hope but there is always a way life can improve.

Feeling sad is understandable when you experience a loss of something important to you and it usually passes after a short period time. Sometimes the sadness seems unjustified and you may feel guilty because you believe you have everything and so you have no reason to feel sad. If depressive thoughts and feelings are preventing you from functioning in your daily lives, socially or at work then it’s time to get help. The good news is that depression is treatable and you can learn to strategies to overcome it.

Your psychologist can help you identify and modify the unhelpful automatic thoughts and core beliefs that are interfering with ability to feel happy. Sometimes finding the cause can be tricky and this may be frustrating. You may have been told to just get over from people who do not understand depression. You may be telling yourself something similar. When out thoughts become focused on unpleasant or catastrophic outcomes, it’s difficult to see that your thoughts are pessimistic and not just a realistic view of what’s happening.

If loved ones have noticed changes in you and are concerned about you, it is worth contacting a psychologist to help you identify whether you are suffering from depression. Together you will be able to work out what changes will make a difference and what the most suitable treatment is for you.

Do you often feel overwhelmed because you have too many things to do and not enough time? Are you exhausted all the time but just keep going? Do you get headaches, neck or back pain frequently? Do you stay awake at nights with racing thoughts of all the demands on you and the limited support? It doesn’t have to be this way. When you don’t feel you have the resources whether that is the personal characteristic, knowledge, skills or supports to deal with the demands of life, then you are likely to experience feelings of overwhelmed and tension that is often referred to as stress. When that pressure is high the gap between what we need to get through difficult situations and the limited resources we have can seem impossible to bridge but there is always a way.

It may make it easier to think of the effects of the physical demands on the body as stress and the emotional pressure as distress. Distress is then the feeling you experience when a threat is perceived .

Humans have a strong survival instinct. It’s as if we are programmed to stay alive. In the face of danger whether real or imagined it is normal for our body and mind to go into protection mode. You may fight to eliminate the threat , you may try to avoid or escape the danger or you may freeze until the threat has passed. All three of these reactions are normal ways of responding to danger and help us stay safe in the when we feel threatened.

Now you may be thinking that you know that there isn’t any real danger. Well, that depends on what you perceive is a threat. Are you afraid that if you don’t meet a deadline at work you will be perceived as incompetent? Do you feel pressure when you are trying to please everyone and you’re afraid that you won’t be liked or accepted if you can’t keep up? Do you try to juggle too many things and always feel like you are not good enough no matter how much you achieve? These are only a small number triggers that can cause you feel distressed. It’s actually not events that make us feel distressed but rather what we tell ourselves about the events.

Your psychologist can help you identify what is making you feel overloaded and can teach you strategies to change the situation or manage your thoughts and reactions so that you can cope better with life stressors.

Are you experiencing difficulties conceiving? Does it feel like you are surrounded by pregnant women everywhere you go? Does it feel like it’s unfair or that you are being punish and you don’t understand why?  Do you find yourself consumed by questions about infertility?  Do you need someone to talk to who will understand what it’s like to not a choice? Does it feel insensitive when people constantly ask you when you are having children?

Unfortunately, awareness of the psychological impact of infertility issues is limited in the general public. People assume it is a socially acceptable questions to ask when you are going to have children because for many years it has been considered appropriate.

In my experience, many of the people who often ask questions about having children are well-intended family members, friends or colleagues who mean no disrespect or harm. They may even urge you to hurry up because your biological is clicking is ticking or tell your if you leave it too late you will have problems. This is often because of their lack of insight and understanding about infertility issues rather than deliberate insensitivity towards you. The shame, pain and sadness that is invariably connected to infertility issues can make it much more difficult to have open conversations with those around you.

Many people are unaware of what’s it’s like to spend every waking moment thinking about having a baby or trying any treatment that may improve your chances only to be left disappointed yet again. They don’t realise that some couples have experienced unsuccessful IVF treatment cycles or miscarriages along their journey. Sadly, others have been told that they will never be able to have children even with donated eggs or sperm.

Fear of judgment or upsetting loved ones and rejection can stop you from expressing what you’re experiencing which can leave your feeling unsupported and isolated. It is true, that some people will judge you no matter what you say and you may not want to open up when you are feeling so vulnerable and alone . You may even be judging yourself and blaming yourself for the decisions you made in your life. You may hold yourself responsible or feel you are been punished. These feelings are a normal part of grief associated with the losses of infertility. Stop beating yourself or your partner up about it. Be kind to yourself and seek support to help you deal with the emotional rollercoaster and make decisions about your future.

You may prefer a private space to share your pain, explore your options and learn how to deal with emotional and social impact. Speaking to your psychologist who has expertise in this area and understands the complex nature of infertility can be a safe place to begin to open up.  They can help you work through your available options including: IVF treatment with or without donor egg/sperm/embryos, finding a way to have children in your life in some way that lessens the pain or building a meaningful life without children.

Are you struggling to understand what is happening in your relationships? Are you frustrated with family, friends or colleagues? Are you finding it difficult to be heard? Are you avoiding important discussions because you don’t know how to deal with potential conflict? Do you feel under- appreciated or taken for granted and need help to find your voice so that you can express your needs?

Are you single and would like to know how to develop an intimate relationship? Do you feel lonely or isolated and would like to make friends but don’t know where to start? Do you worry that you are not interesting or good enough? Are you shy and find it difficult to meet people?

We all differ in how we need or want to relate to others. As humans we are hard-wired to connect with others. We have a deep need to belong to a couple, a family, a friendship group, a team at work or sport, a larger community with common interests and yet we often find that we do not have the skills to manage these relationships. 

Attempts to voice or have our needs met can be a real struggle. Managing feelings of frustration as a result of different values or opinions can lead to conflict despite our best intentions. We feel hurt and misunderstood which can leave us feeling rejected or lonely. We blame each other for not listening, not caring, not being considerate and we sometimes find ourselves filled with overwhelming anger/ sadness that we don’t know how to diffuse.

It seems easier not to bother connecting, to focus instead on becoming so independent that we don’t need anyone else to live a fulfilling life. Yet for many, life without human companionship can feel lonely and empty.

If you would like to gain a clearer understanding of what you truly need from your interpersonal relationships, help is available. Your psychologist can help you find the words to express these needs in a way that you are understood. You can learn interpersonal skills such as: communication skills, conflict resolution skills or assertiveness to help you deal with current relationships or develop and maintain new friendships.

Has comforting eating become more than just an occasional event? Do you find it difficult to stop eating once you start? Are your eating patterns all over the place? Do you find yourself preoccupied with food? Do you exercise excessively? Do you worry a lot about putting on weight? Have you tried everything you can to lose weight but find it impossible? Do you find yourself regularly consuming excessive amounts of food even when you are not hungry? Do you feel powerless to stop yourself and each time it happens convince yourself that this will be the last time? 

The way you think and feel can be interfering in your ability to create healthy eating habits or to manage your weight. You may feel like a failure or weak because you can’t control your urge to eat or what you eat. You may feel embarrassed and hide it from others. You may try to exercise or restrict particular foods from your diet in the hope that you will be able to regain control and manage weight gain. You may become excessively self critical about your body shape, weight or your ability to maintain healthy eating habits.  You may believe you don’t have the will power to handle cravings?

With so much information out there about healthy ways of eating and weight management how can so many people be struggling with weight issues? Your mindset and the way you manage stress can contribute to the struggle with food. If you have tried to manage your relationship with food but it continues to be a struggle it may be helpful to seek help from a psychologist who understands the emotional impact disordered eating is having on your life. Together you may be able to find solutions that you had not considered before. You will learn strategies to train your brain to respond differently to triggers so that you can modifying the thoughts blocking you from having a healthy relationship with food.  You will develop a plan to change eating behaviours and regain control.